Shaping the Soft Skills of Jesus
Spend five minutes with a child asking a few questions and you can quickly learn what their family values, expectations, what’s allowed, and what’s frowned upon. Why is that?
Because a mirror works even when our eyes are closed.
Without having to say a word and without intending to, human nature has a way of expressing preferences, fears, political leanings, approval, annoyances, pleasure, and doubts without having to say a word. It’s in our reactions, a heavy sigh, how we spend, and what’s permissible. This is the potential of family, parenting, and the opportunity to draw our kids into life with God.
Because the primary way we shape desire is through imitation.
Have you ever heard how some things are more “caught” than taught? If the church is good at teaching the “hard skills” of Christian faith, then parents are primed to instill the “soft skills” of Jesus. Both are needed. We can learn knowledge, but that doesn’t make a person wise. We can teach charity, but that’s not the same as empathy. We can ask people to give and volunteer but that doesn’t ensure humility or selflessness. But a parent’s proximity and influence reveal the “soft skills” of Jesus because nothing shapes desires like those whom our kids trust, admire, love, and look to. And the good news is that God’s power is made perfect in our weakness (2Cor.12:9).
Because relational disciple-making is not about being right more or masking our flaws.
It’s the liberty we find in confessing earnest desire that seeds eternity in the hearts of our kids. In my new release, Homegrown Disciples, I offer four ordinary, relational, disciple-making “windows” – morning, drive, meal, and bed times. I also share seven “rhythms” – soft skills that instill the “why” of family and faith without having to be perfect or performative. Like a proper field guide, I highlight family DIY activities, confessional stories, intentional conversations, while providing simple language to talk about the heart of the Father. When we realize discipleship is not a one-way street where kids are on the receiving end, we uncover all the ways God is discipling us, disciple them.
If you’re interested in rehearsing these rhythms and drawing kids into life with God, I’d encourage you to find 1-2 other families to join you. And, beginning Wed, Oct.1, I’ll begin a monthly online meeting E.Q.U.i.P. (Encouraging Qualities Undeveloped in Parents) to discuss a rhythm and offer some insights on developmental transitions, cultural shifts, spiritual formation, and emotional intelligence from my doctoral studies. Reach out if you’re interested or have questions! Registration is now open!
